The House that Built Me

When Matt and I got married, we purchased a house... a BIG house... a money pit!  We've put many hours into this house... and it's become a very nice home for our family.  We have learned a lot - from learning how to "do it yourself", to learning how we work together under stress.  Our first major project (2005) was the downstairs floors.  We moved in and the house had cat-pee carpet that smelled bad and was NASTY.  We pulled that out and refinished the beautiful wood floors underneath.  Talk about a project as a newlywed couple... wow!!!  But, the results are amazing and we love them!  The next major project - 2008... the upstairs bathroom.  It was PINK.  Everywhere.  Pink carpet.  A pink toilet seat.  Pink floral wallpaper.  A pink-painted claw-foot tub.  This house is HAUNTED by pink, and we are slowly taking it out!  We took out the pink carpet and Matt installed a sub floor so that we could lay peel-and-stick tile.  The next thing we knew... the ancient toilet began leaking into my office below... so we had to rip out our new floor in the bathroom and start over.  Ouch!  Live and learn... so a new toilet, updated plumbing, a couple thousand dollars and a few weeks later, we had our floor done with vinyl this time... and it looks nice.  Boy, what a trip!

We've done many cosmetic things... mostly painting the walls and stripping layers upon layers of wallpaper.  (Did I mention this house was built in 1881????)  This past weekend Matt started our next big project... tiling the shower and remodeling the downstairs bathroom.  He's doing a GREAT job.  He pulled out the old walls, and is in the process of hanging cement board so that we can tile this weekend... hopefully.  We've never done tiling... so say a prayer that it works!  I'll post final pics soon!

My thoughts since my last post have centered on the fact that my life has been filled with many houses.  My parents divorced when I was in 4th grade, and my mom moved us kids to a neighboring community.  We left the acreage where I grew up and spent the first years of my life.  I think about that acreage a lot, especially now that I am a mommy.  I have memories from that house, mostly sustained by photographs.  But, a few stick out in my mind that no photo can recreate.  I remember my dad hanging a tire swing in the yard... and asking for my help.  My brother, who is two years younger than me, was sick that day, so he couldn't help us.  I was so empowered because I remember feeling like dad preferred hanging out with Andy because he was a boy.  They did BOY things.  I was a girl and hung out with mom.  That was well and good, but the day dad asked ME to help him, and not Andy, sticks out in my mind.  (I must have felt a bit replaced after Andy came along.  I'm not bitter... just reflecting.)  A second memory... I remember waking up, excited to swim in the pool that had been installed in the yard the day before, only to find that it had tipped over.  Literally.  Major bummer!  Another memory... spending time in the barn with Andy - playing all kinds of games, searching for baby kittens, making memories.  Laughing.  Learning.  Growing together.  We really did have a blessed childhood on that acreage. 

And then it ended.  We moved to town.  Another adventure began. 

I loved living in town... it was an entirely new experience... being able to ride my bike to my friends' houses or to school.  Living near a park.  I don't have a ton of memories that are worth mentioning, but I do know that my mom tried her best to make it a home for us, and it was!  It was a small house - but it became home.  We lived there for two years - and then mom remarried and we moved again.

My third house growing up was a farm house that was remodeled.  We all had our own bedroom - I had the biggest of them all.  It had a bay window in it that was installed just for me.  I "grew up" in that house.  I learned a lot in that house.  I learned what it's like to have a new family - including a step-dad, step-sisters, etc.  I watched my mom take on a new role - as a mommy to girls who never had a mom.  I became a sister, again, with the birth of my half-brother.  I learned a new way to love by watching my mom and Tom love each other.  It was, and is still, home.  Every time I go there, my mom asks me if it feels like home, still.  The answer is always a resounding YES.  But, it's home because SHE is there. 

I wonder what memories Creighton and Ellery will have of their first house.  Will Creighton remember playing basketball ("hoops!") in the hallway upstairs?  Or working out with his dad in our spare bedroom upstairs (and telling his dad to "squeeze, squeeze!", like the man on the DVD)?  I want to make this house a home for them.  I want to provide a safe place for them here - a place they can come home to and ALWAYS feel loved, no matter what mistakes they've made.  I want them to feel the way I do when I go home... and I want them to remember that HOME is not just a house... it's a feeling.  We are "built" by our houses, and the joys and trials and tears and laughter created there.  The song lyrics I've posted below always make me think of my houses... the ones that built me.  As I raise my kids and nurture my family, I want to remember and dwell on the houses that built me.  I want to love my kids like my mom and dad loved me.  I want to set a good example for my kids by loving their daddy first.  I want to do my very best. 

I remember the houses that built me.  I remember the feelings and the things I learned as I grew up there.  Each memory, whether happy or painful, is significant because they make me who I am today.  When I have a bad day, I can look back on my houses and learn from them.  How did my mom set an example for me during her bad days?  What memories can I build upon and use to create a home that inspires?  I can only pray that I can provide a positive environment, with God's help, that my kids can take with them when they build their own houses.  I'm just beginning my journey as a home-builder, but I know how fast time flies.  Every day is a new day and another opportunity to lay the foundation.  One day at a time.

The House That Built Me (sung by Miranda Lambert)

I know they say you can't go home again.
I just had to come back one last time.
Ma'am I know, you don't know me from Adam,
But these hand prints on the front steps are mine.
And up those stairs, in that little back bedroom
is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar.
And I bet you didn't know, under that live oak
my favorite dog is buried in the yard.

I thought if I could touch this place, or feel it,
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself.
If I could just come in, I swear I'll leave,
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.

Mama cut out pictures of houses for years.
From "Better Homes and Garden" magazines.
Plans were drawn, concrete poured,
and nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama's dream.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself.
If I could just come in I swear I'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.

You leave home, you move on, and you do the best you can.
I got lost in this whole world and forgot who I am.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it,
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself.
If I could walk around I swear I'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.